A Day at the Shrink's
by Da Demon Mystrice
Summary: Our favourite anime characters all have their problems, right? See them visit the psycaiatrist to get some professional help! Many anime characters are used. This is listed under InuYasha because he is the first to visit the beloved Shrink.
1. Bob's Surprise

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the animes that I use in here.

_Setting: A psychiatrist's office. A dusty armchair is seated next to one of those long futon type things that nervous wrecks lay on. Off to the side is a huge glass case labelled: "Crazy people". It is currently empty._

_Enter "The psychiatrist". We'll refer to him as Bob._

Bob: I'm ready to see the first patient now. Come in!

_Enter InuYasha, from InuYasha._

Bob: (takes in fuzzy ears) My, my. You seem to like dressing up. Those ears look so real!

InuYasha: Uh…I was born this way.

_Awkward pause._

Bob: (edgy) Well, I'm sure we can fix the fact. (Points blatantly to the large glass case)

(clears throat) Anyway, what's on your mind?

InuYasha: Well you see, one day I found this really pretty priestess and we sort of had a thing going, but then this damned demon tricked us into almost killing each other so I was pinned to a tree for 50 years. Then along comes this priestess's reincarnation who exists from 500 years into the future. She frees me from the tree and we become friends, sort of. Then we meet this fox kid who has no parents, a perverted monk with a vacuum in his right hand, and a demon slayer who lost her family because of that same damn Naraku. So we're sort of this group, right? But then my original girlfriend gets resurrected from the dead by this freaky witch person who won't stop ranting about soulless husks, earth and soil and crap like that. So now my first girlfriend is driven only by her hatred for me and is trying to hunt me down and kill me but at the same time is still in love with me and makes random moves on me. And my second girlfriend always sees and we have a fight, she goes back to her own time, and so on. But when she comes back, I like her again, so I'm having trouble deciding between the two.

Bob: (stunned) Anything else?

InuYasha: (thinks) Oh yeah! I have an evil brother; that stupid Naraku keeps trying to kill me and this idiot wolf keeps trying to make a move on my girlfriend!

Bob: (confused) The first one or the second one?

InuYasha: The second one.

_Awkward Pause._

Bob: Well…I think we can all see what the problem here is. You're crazy.

_Bob signals to two buff looking men who pick InuYasha up. He punches them a couple of times, managing to squirm free. However, they end up chasing him into the "Crazy People" glass case. Once he is inside, they lock it up._

Bob: Well, that's that. Next!


	2. Getting Weirder

Disclaimer: If I owned any of these animes, I'd be the happiest person alive.

Author's Notes: I got this idea at 6 in the morning after a sleepover and I was really hyper. Don't blame me if it sucks.

_

* * *

With InuYasha sealed safely in the glass case, Bob readies for his next patient (who he hopes will be a bit more sane.)_

_Enter Kagome_

Bob: (glad there are no fuzzy ears) Now, you seem normal enough. Tell me, what's on your mind?

Kagome: My boyfriend won't stop cheating on me! But at the same time, I really, _really_ like him.

Bob: (relieved) Well, that seems like a normal enough problem phew. Who is your boyfriend cheating on you with?

Kagome: (pauses) A dead priestess.

Bob: A…a _what_?

Kagome: A dead priestess. Well, she _was_ resurrected by some freaky witch person and now she has to collect the souls of the dead in order to keep living 'cause her body is just made out of clay and bones right now.

Bob: sweat drops Erm….uhh….a-are you sure?

Kagome: Would I be rambling on about this if I wasn't?

Bob: (nervous) Y-you probably know that man in there, don't you? (points to InuYasha, who is attempting to break out of the glass with his Tetsusaiga, but is failing miserably)

Kagome: He's my boyfriend.

Bob: Well, that explains things. Now, ma'am, if you'll just move along with these two men, you'll be escorted out of here.

Kagome: (getting hauled off by the buff guys) Hey, wait! You can't do this to me! I have a normal problem can't you at least pretend to help? Come o-

_Kagome is cut off by being shoved into the "Crazy People" case (which is soundproof) and being locked in. She immediately rushes to InuYasha, and one would guess they are muttering darkly about the Shrink. _

Bob: (clears throat) Uhh…next!

_Enter Miroku_

Bob: (looks at his robes) You certainly seem to like traditional clothing.

Miroku: (puzzled) What do you mean traditional? I wear these every single day! Lots of people wear clothes like this!

Bob: Uh-huh… (thinks to self) At least it's not that strange…

Miroku: Aren't supposed to be helping me with my problem?

Bob: (flustered) Ah, right, of course. Yes, I should do that, shouldn't I? Um ahem What's troubling you?

Miroku: Weeellll…

Bob: (thinks to self) Dammit! Whenever they start like that it means the explanation is going to be extremely long and boring!

Miroku: My grandfather was pursued by this demon for a long, long time and one day the demon, Naraku took on the form of a beautiful woman. Well, my grandfather, being the gentleman that he was, took the sting out of the young woman's loneliness.

Bob: He was a pervert?

Miroku: Something like that. Anyhoo, Naraku cut his hand so then there was a super strong vacuum in it and the curse of the vacuum hand has been passed down in my family and it will eventually suck me in, too. Also, my girlfriend is the non-perverted type and slaps me every time I…um…ahem "feel her up."

_Awkward pause_

Bob:...Wow. A pervert _and _crazy! Moving along! Next!

_The two buff guys grab Miroku, who is muttering about violence never solving anything, and throw him in the glass case with InuYasha and Kagome. (Kagome is now attempting to get out by shooting her arrow at the glass but failing.)_

Bob: I believe I called for the next patient!

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Read and review! Please, this is my first fanfic!

Thanks to kokoronagomu for my very first review! -


	3. A World of Pain

Disclaimer: Ahh…if only…

Author's Notes: I will oblige to people's reviews and have Sesshy visit the Shrink. Three patients this time!

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With Miroku taken care of, Bob awaits his next victi-, er…patient._

_Enter Sango_

Bob: Umm…interesting outfit…(is already looking at the "Crazy People" case)

Sango: Thanks, I guess…

Bob: (clears throat) Now, what seems to be the problem?

Sango: You see, my entire family except me was killed by this damned Naraku, right? But later, my little brother is resurrected by him and he's controlling him with a magic shard of plastic or whatever. So my brother is trying to kill me but if we take the magic shard out he dies instantly, so I'm kinda screwed in that category. Also, my boyfriend is a complete pervert and is always rubbing my ass. And when he's not rubbing my ass, he's rubbing every other girl in sight. Or asking them to bear his child.

Bob: …Does your boyfriend happen to be that man there? (Points to Miroku, who is trying to suck glass case into his wind tunnel, but it's not working that well. It sure is cleaning out the case, though)

Sango: How'd you guess?

Bob: Ohhh…lucky guess, I suppose. Would you like to talk to him about your issues?

Sango: (Notices Miroku is in a glass case) Finally confined him, eh? Serves him right!

Bob: Uhh…miss? Do you want to talk to him about the problems between you two?

Sango: Huh, what? Oh (clears throat) I suppose. It's worth a shot, right?

_Bob grins evilly and beckons to his henchmen. The two buff guys take hold of Sango. (One of them must have touched her wrong because she slapped him hard across the face) The remaining buff guy throws her into the glass case and shuts it. Miroku rushes to Sango's side. Sango yells inaudibly and slaps him across the face. She certainly is good at that ain't she?_

Bob: Glad that's over. Next, please!

_Enter Kouga._

Bob: Maybe you're not aware of this, but your ears seem to be rather pointy. Perhaps you should see a specialist about that.

Kouga: What the hell is that supposed to mean? (punches Bob)

Bob: (rubbing his bruised face) Never…mind…What's…the…prob…lem?

Kouga: Okay, so I'm living with my big extended family, right? (I don't have to worry about in-laws, thank God). But then they go to this castle and all get killed by this freaky chick with a fan. Then I come and that damned puppy dog is there too and almost kills me. But still, I can totally kick his ass! I was just injured, that's all. Then this thing of poison that's in my arm kicks in and I'm flopped down on the ground making it all dramatic and stuff, right? But that stupid mutt suggests cutting off my arm! Yeah, right! Of course, the love of my life steps in and cures me with a little prick with her arrow. She always was the best. But now that useless cur is trying to get friendly with her! It takes all I can to stop him from going with who's rightfully my girl! What can I do?

Bob: First of all, why do you keep referring to a dog? What can a dog do?

Kouga: A whole damn lot, let me tell you!

Bob: And second…you're just loopy (He claps his hand twice and the buff guys step up)

_Because of Kouga's superior speed, he is able to win the chase for quite a while. However, he is eventually chased right into the "Crazy People" case. He appears to be flirting with Kagome, but InuYasha's getting jealous and starts yelling inaudible things. Kagome's mouth moves and InuYasha slams down onto the ground of the glass case. Take a guess as to what she said._

Bob: Okay then, next patient, please!

_Enter Sesshomaru_

Bob: Okay madam, what seems to be the problem?

_Sesshomaru just stares at Bob. Then there's a THWACK sound effect that fills the screen. The result is Bob lying on the ground twitching with a lump forming on his head. I always wonder what Sesshomaru does during those sound effect screens…_

Bob: Now what's on your mind, _sir_? (looks scared and clambers back into armchair)

Sesshomaru: (with no emotion!) I despise my miserable half-breed brother and wish I had his sword. It should've been mine for the taking. (Suddenly emotion pops in) But nooo! That idiot gets the cool sword and what do I get? A friggin' healing sword! It's nothing compared to his totally awesome hunk o' metal that can rip through just about anything! So I can't do anything about because for some stupid reason, every time we fight each other, that jerk wins! Also, I think all humans are pathetic little worms except for the seven-year-old that I wander around with and I'm pretty much in love with her.

Bob: (gasps) You're a child molester?

Sesshomaru: (Emotionless again) I don't know what you mean by that. Will you help me or not, human?

Bob: (flustered) Well, I'm not really sure if I can help you. I mean life's life, right? It's not like I can change the past. You just have to accept the fact that your brother got the cooler sword……Waaaait a minute! Why are you arguing about swords anyway? Don't people just use guns?

Sesshomaru: (blinks) And about the human thing?

Bob: Aren't you-? (Something dawns on him) Nevermind. I believe I know how to help you. (Nods at the buff guys)

_The two buff guys advance on Sesshomaru looking ready to pounce on him. Sesshomaru stands calmly, and raises one hand._

Sesshomaru: (all echo-y and dramatic) Poison Claw!

_A strange green light comes out of Sesshomaru's girlishly long finger nails and kind of…umm…runs the buff guys through._

Bob: (mutters) Dammit! If I returned those guys within ten hours, they'd still be free trials! Now I have to pay for them! Oh well (flips open cell phone) Hello, Buff Guys R Us? I need two, no _four_ buff guys, pronto! And I mean pronto! (closes cell phone and waits)

_In about two minutes, four buff guys knock down a wall and spring on Sesshomaru, catching him by surprise and throwing him into the glass case. (Kouga appears to be running repeatedly into the glass walls, trying to smash through. It's not working too well)_

Bob: I'm glad he's finished. Moving along!

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Yay! I've finished the third chapter! I think next time I'll add a different anime into the mess of InuYasha characters. Read and review, please! 


	4. Behind the Glass

Disclaimer: Don't own the animes, don't own Japan, and don't own the manga, either. Man this life sucks! I do, however, own Bob. HAHAHAHAHA, BOB! I OWN YOU!

Author's Notes: Sorry it took me so long to update! I've been away traveling. There wasn't a computer there. Well there was, but I couldn't really update there.

_We've run into quite a few patients. Let's see how it's working out inside the glass case then, shall we?_

_Setting in glass case: InuYasha and Kouga are glaring at each other while Kagome tries to make peace. Sango is fuming and staring out of the glass case while Miroku attempts to talk to her. Sesshomaru is just sitting in a corner muttering darkly to himself._

Miroku: Please, Sango, you've hit me, now just talk to me again!

Sango: (angry silence)

InuYasha: You damn wolf! You're too weak to bust through this glass and to make yourself happier, you try to make a move on Kagome!

Kouga: I didn't see _you_ break through the glass either, insolent pup! And Kagome and I love each other! We were meant to be mates!

Kagome: Uhh…

InuYasha: Love each other? Give me a break! You barely spend time with her except when you're trying to flirt with her!

Kouga: At least _I'm _nice to her! You just treat her like a piece of property!

InuYasha: What the hell is that supposed to mean? I do _not_ treat her like property!

Kouga: Do too!

InuYasha: Do not!

Kouga: Don't you "do not" my "do too"!

Kagome: Uhhh…….

InuYasha: Well I did, HAH! Fleabag!

Kouga: Mangy mutt!

Kagome: (in a teacher's voice) Now boys, be nice to each other! I don't want to hear any of you calling names again! Now InuYasha apologize to Kouga!

InuYasha: (folds arms and speaks in a little kid's voice) No!

Kagome: (warningly) InuYasha…

InuYasha: No!

Kagome: Kouga, you apologize to InuYasha!

Kouga: (folds arms and also speaks in a little kid's voice...I think he's copying InuYasha) No!

InuYasha: Hey, you copied me!

Kouga: Did not!

InuYasha: Did too!

Kouga: Insolent pup!

InuYasha: Scrawny wolf!

Kagome: (warningly) Now boys…

InuYasha and Kouga: Yes, Higurashi-sama. (both sigh)

Kouga: I'm sorry you're so stupid

InuYasha: And I'm sorry you're such an idiot

Kagome: (appalled) InuYasha and Kouga! That's no way to apologize! I ought to have a talk with your parents!

_She realizes what she's just said. They have no parents. Damn._

InuYasha: (sniffles) How can you talk with my parents i-if th-they're n-not alive? (starts crying)

Kouga: Awww, Higurashi-sama, now you made him cry! You should be ashamed of yourself. You know, I-I don't h-have parents either. Thanks for reminding me! (start crying also)

_As Kagome tries to patch up her mistake and comfort Kouga and InuYasha, Miroku is still trying to talk to Sango. And failing. And of course, good ol' Fluffy-sama is sitting in his corner muttering to himself. I wonder what he's saying…_

Sesshomaru: (mutters) Stupid humans! They're keeping me from picking up my dry cleaning! I really need to pick it up! I bet it's done by now. I would've got my nice clean kimono if it hadn't been for this stupid doctor type person! Damn him!

…_Okay, that was really weird. Who knew Fluffy dry cleaned?_

Sesshomaru: (overhearing the narration) Of course I have to get my kimono dry cleaned! It can't go through the machine and I'm too lazy to hand wash.

_Hey, Sesshy! You're not supposed to hear these!_

Sesshomaru: Oh, sorry.

Read and review! We'll get back to Bob and the patients next time. I already have a special patient planned (evil grin).


	5. A Bigger Surprise

Disclaimer: No animes to be owned here. (sighs)

Author's Notes: This might be the last chapter with InuYasha patients. With your reviews please suggest new animes that I can use. I'm not guaranteeing I know each and every single anime. I wish I did, though. Then I would rule over anime!

_We've seen inside the "Crazy People" case. Now back to the patients!_

Bob: Where is the next patient? I called at least five minutes ago!

_Enter Rin_

Bob: What seems to be the problem, little girl?

Rin: (looks at the glass case and sees Fluffy) Oh! Lord Sesshomaru! Hi! (waves energetically)

Bob: (ahem) What's wrong?

Rin: (notices Bob) Oh, I dunno. I just followed Lord Sesshomaru here. You see, he brought me back to life with his healing sword when I died and now he takes me everywhere with him and protects me. He's incredibly strong, you know!

Bob: (is getting used to people being resurrected. Ain't this anime just full of it?) What about your parents, don't they get worried with you wandering around with and older man?

Rin: (tilts her head to one side, a sad look coming into her eyes) My parents? Th-they won't worry. They're in heaven. They can watch me from there.

_Poor Rin. She's trying not to cry. Now look, Bob doesn't have to be so blunt! To think he could be so insolent as to make a little girl cry! (Dismayed)_

Bob: (overhears) Hey, how was I supposed to know her parents died?

Rin: I'd rather say they're in heaven!

_Rin's lower lip is quivering. There are tears brimming in her eyes. Suddenly she bursts into tears. Uh-oh! Mister Shrinky is a meanie! Oh, Bob! HOW COULD YOU?_

Bob: (sighs)

Rin: (stops crying for a second) Mister Shrink Person Man, you should learn to turn your sighs into pretty little flowers, 'cause then there would be flowers EVERYWHERE!

_Bob furrows his brow. He looks like he's concentrating very hard on something. Then, a tiny little flower appears._

Rin: Oh wow! You did it, good job! Where were we?

Bob: Your dead parents.

Rin: (sadly) Oh right. (Starts bawling again)

_I get out of the narrator box and smack Bob across the face a couple of times. I run away. I am back in the narrator box, now._

Bob: (rubbing a bruise on his face and muttering) Stupid narrator, thinks she's so good that she can… (trails off into incoherent mumbling)

Rin: (still crying)

Bob: (Kneels down beside her and stretches out his arms like he's going to hug her reassuringly) There, there. It's all right.

Rin: (suddenly very self-protective) NO! (Runs into the glass case, right to Fluffy-sama singing "My body's nobody's body but mine! You have your own body, let me have mine!")

Bob: (sweat drops) Okay…that was really weird…(ahem) Next, please!

_Enter Jakken_

Bob: Oh hell…(signals right away to buff guys) Get that toad frog turtle thingy!

Jakken: What do you think you're doing, humans? (Gets picked up by one buff guy and thrown into the glass case)

Bob: Glad that's over. Next patient!

_Enter the special patient insert drumroll here JAKOTSU!_

Bob: Well, what's on your mind?

Jakotsu: Ooooh! You are _so _pretty! It makes me want to just cut you up!

Bob: Uhhh…

Jakotsu: Oh wow! He's confused, too! I love confusion on a hot man's face!

Bob: I will have you know, _sir_, that I am happily married to a _woman_ and am not interested in another relationship!

Jakotsu: (laughs) That's what they all say! But in the end… (grins flirtily at Bob)

Bob: What's your problem?

Jakotsu: Well, I met this really adorable hanyou a while back and he never agreed to go steady with me! What do you think I should do?

Bob:…Go to a different therapist…(nods at buff guys who advance on Jakotsu)

Jakotsu: Oooh! I thought you were good, Shrink. But these four guys are pretty good lookers themselves!

_Jakotsu takes out his sword and…um….swings it making the blade cut off all the buff guys' heads._

Bob: Dammit! That's two sets of buff guys I need to pay for! (flips open cellphone) Hi, it's me again. Send me eight of 'em. No, no I won't get them killed again! No, of course not! What do you-? Just send me the buff guys!

_While Bob waits for the buff guys, Jakotsu flirts with him some more. And some more. And some more. Bob is really angry, now._

Bob: STOP IT YOU GAY PERVERT! I'M STRAIGHT!

Jakotsu: (chuckles) Of course you are. It doesn't make you any less handsome! Come on, show your true feelings!

_Bob pauses for a moment. Then he slaps Jakotsu across the face .Not bad, though Sango's the champ at that_

Jakotsu: (singing) He wants me! He waaaaaants meeeeeee!

_Just then the eight buff guys break down a second wall and all leap on Jakotsu, throwing him into the glass case. InuYasha and Miroku scoot as far away as possible from Jakotsu as he chases them around the glass case. Poor them._

Bob: Next patient!

Read and review! I was right! This is the last InuYasha character to visit the Shrink! Tell me what other animes I should use in your reviews!


	6. A New Anime

Disclaimer: Sue me if you must, but not for this! I swear I don't own them….much

Author's Notes: I am the most evil person on the face of the planet! I'm SO sorry I haven't updated for like two months! I couldn't decide which anime to do next! Also, someone kindly reminded me that I forgot to add Shippou into the mix of vict- er patients. I shall do that, and then I'll add another anime in! (And I'm deciding which one because no one sent me enough reviews MUAHAHAHA!)

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Bob: Excuse me, NEXT PATIENT!

_Enter Shippou_

Bob: What's on your mind? (suddenly notices Shippou's tail) So you like dressing up too?

Shippou: What do you mean? I was born with this thing!

Bob: Uh-huh……well what's troubling you?

Shippou: My mom is nonexistent, my dad was killed by these two freaks with big swords and every single young girl that I meet, I have a crush on, but I never end up seeing her again!

Bob:……What's the word I looking for………umm….oh, right! YOU'RE INSANE!

Shippou: I think that's two words….

Bob: (evil glare)

_Bob signals to the buff guys, who approach cautiously, like they're expecting another strong guy who'll kill 'em. Slowly, slowly, they creep forward, until they're right on Shippou. They then pick him up and toss him in the glass case (where Jakotsu is flirting ruthlessly with Sesshomaru who he just found out is a pretty boy) _

Bob: (wearily) Next, please!

_Enter……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………TOHRU FROM FRIUTS BASKET!_

Bob: (extremely glad that there are no fuzzy ears, tails or anything of the like) Well what seems to be an issue in your life?

Tohru: (thinks) Nothing!

Bob: Excuse me?

Tohru: Nothing's wrong! Everything's fine! I live with three wonderfully caring men, I have a good job-

Bob: (cuts her off) You're shacking up with three men?

Tohru: (angry) NO I'M NOT! (A horrified look comes into her eyes) Oh my gosh! I lost my air of happiness! I can never stop being happy! If I do, MY LIFE WILL BE RUINED!

_Bob must be reaaaaally bad if he can make Tohru stop being happy. Do I have to smack him again?_

Bob: No! No, I'll be good! Please, don't smack me again, narrator!

_I have a name, moron._

Bob: What is it, then?

_Amaya_

Bob: (looks at me strangely) That's your name?

_Well it's more of a penname than anything._

Bob: Oh

Tohru: (ahem) I'm still here.

Bob: Oh right (clears throat) Are you sure there's nothing wrong? (mutters under breath) Other than you're shacking up with three men…

Tohru: (a big red anime vein pops out on her forehead) FOR THE LAST TIME I'M NOT SHACKING UP! (gasp) Oh no, I did it again! I'm so so so so sorry! I really am!

_It's okay, Tohru, the Shrink does that to all of us._

Bob: Hey, Amaya, I have a name too!

_Oh how rude of me. (ahem) It's okay, Tohru, Bob no baka does that to all of us. _

Bob: (muttering) What I wouldn't give to…

Tohru: To answer your previous question, there's nothing wrong in my life at all!

_Bob just stares at Tohru for a very long time. Eventually he opens his mouth to speak._

Bob:WHATAREYOUTALKINGABOUTEVERYONEHASPROBLEMSINTHEIRLIFEHOWCANNOTHINGBEWRONGYOURECRAZYCRAZYITELLYOUWHATONEARTHSYOURFLIPPINMENTALPROBLEMIDESPERATELYNEEDAGIRLFRIENDIFIHADONEIWOULDNTHAVEHADTOGOINTOTHERAPYIHAVENOLIFEANDNOMONEYILIKECHEESEDOYOULIKECHEESECHEESEISGOODEVERYONESHOULDLIKECHEESEBLAHBLAHBLAHAREYOUSTILLREADINGTHISWOWYOUHAVEAPRETTYGOODATTENTIONSPANIWOULDVESTOPPEDREADINGALOOOOONGTIMEAGO!

…_whoa_

Tohru: (cringes) Well, I'm…glad you let all of that out.

Bob: You, dear girl ARE CRAZY!

_Bob signals to the buff guys yada yada yada blah blah blah we know what happens yak yak yak glass case, stuff like that, people trying to break out of glass case and so on and so forth. _

Tohru: (as she's being dragged off) You didn't let me say anything about the Sohma family cu- (gets cut off as she's thrown into the glass case. It's getting sort of full now)

Bob: (clears throat) Amaya, send in the next patient!

_What am I, your secretary? Do it yourself!_

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Read and Review! Please? (puppy dog eyes)

Author's Notes: it's true, I HAVE A NAME NOW!


	7. Family Oddities

Disclaimer: I've said it before, I'll say it again I DO NOT OWN THESE PEOPLE!

Author's Notes: Okay, here's Chapter 7. Not much to say right now. Enjoy, I guess. The idea for this chapter was given to me by a nice reviewer! Don't you just love reviews? I know I do! (hint hint)

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Bob: No, you're not my secretary, but you say who enters and when, so I figured it would make sense for you to-

_Shut up! All right, all right. I'll do the stupid thing. Just _please_ stop talking!_

Bob: Okay, fine, have it your way.

_Enter Yuki and Kyo_

Bob: Umm….why are there two people here, Amaya?

_Group session, deal with it._

Bob: Okaaay, I never really trained for a group session.

_And you call yourself a therapist!_

Bob: Fine, fine! Let's get this over with. So what's troubling the two of you? Umm…you with the grey hair, go first.

Kyo: What? Why does that damn Yuki get to go first? What's so special about him?

Yuki: Stupid cat. I'm more of a main character than you are, thus more important and more POPULAR.

Kyo: Damn rat! I'm a main character too, you know!

Yuki: I know, but everyone loves ME more!

Kyo:…

Bob: Okay, so what's on your mind….Yuki, was it?

Yuki: (nods) You see, my life sucks. I act all nice and polite at school, but really I'm sort of cold and never really happy. Oh, and also, every time a girl hugs me, I turn into a rat.

Bob: What?

Yuki: You heard me. Oh right, there's more! I have super human strength which is kind of creepy, weak bronchial tubes so I start coughing randomly and I'M BEING STALKED BY RABID FAN GIRLS!

Bob:…………………………you're sure?

Yuki: OF COURSE I'M SURE! WOULD I BE YELLING LIKE THIS IF I WASN'T? (anime vein)

Bob: Just checking…what about you, orange top?

Kyo: (shrug) Every time I get hugged by a girl I turn into a cat. I also have super human strength, just not as strong as the damn rat over here. My goal in life is to beat him and join the Zodiac. Also I'm good at making friends and stuff, but I have anger management issues.

Bob: What's with the 'get hugged and turn into an animal' thing?

Kyo and Yuki: Family curse.

Bob: I see….well, I think I can solve that.

Kyo: How?

Yuki: Yeah, it'll be hard to break the curse.

Bob: You're insane. SECURITY!

_The buff guys advance on the two Sohmas. They at each other, shrug, then kick some buff ass. The buff guys aren't dead, particularly, but they look pretty badly injured._

Bob: Dammit! (mutters under his breath incoherently)

_It takes a while, and Yuki and Kyo fight some more with each other, but eventually the buff guys come to and throw them into the glass case. _

Bob: Glad that's over, they were both reeaaally off their rockers.

_Hey watch it pal, that's my Kyo you're talkin' 'bout!_

Bob: _You're_ Kyo?

_Yes, _my_ Kyo! LIVE WITH IT!_

Bob: Uhh…..okay then NEXT!

_Enter Shigure_

Bob: So, what seems to be the trouble, sir?

Shigure: Trouble? Oh not much, really. I just can't seem to make my deadlines on time.

Bob: Too stressed out?

Shigure: Well my writing always gets interrupted, you see. Normally by some young high school girl (he has the happy chibi eyes!)

Bob: Excuse me?

Shigure: Some young high school girl. Ahhh high school girls! High school girls! Live and in PERSON!

Bob:….

Shigure: It's a pity I can never hug them.

Bob: Why not?

Shigure: If I do, then I turn briefly into a dog.

Bob: Not again!

Shigure: What do you mean by that?

Bob: Are you related to those men in there? (points to Yuki and Kyo who are sort of speaking with the InuYasha characters. Jakotsu's noticed that Yuki's a pretty boy too)

Shigure: (proudly) They're my cousins!

Bob: Yes, well. That would explain things. I believ I know what's wrong.

Shigure: Really?

Bob: Of course. You're loony.

_Again with the buff guys? (Who, by the way force Shigure into the glass case). Geez, Bob! Can't you do anything more original? We've seen the buff guys for seven chapters! Can't you think of something else?_

Bob: No, not really. I don't suppose you can do any better!

_Ehh, that depends (shrug)_

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Please read and review! I wonder who I should send in next…


	8. Behind the Glass pt 2

Disclaimer: I'm running out of witty things to say…

Author's Notes: Not much to say here except sorry I didn't update sooner. You see, I must be extremely hyper in order more my fanfic writing brain to function. Thanks for all your patience. Heeeeeeeeere's CHAPTER EIGHT!

_

* * *

_

_Now it's time for another look inside the glass case!_

InuYasha: Who the hell are you people anyway?

Tohru: I'm Tohru Honda! These are Yuki Sohma, Kyo Sohma and Shigure Sohma (points to each in turn)

Kagome: Oh wow! It's nice to meet you!

Tohru: You too! (happiness)

InuYasha: Is it just them, or are all the girls from your time that happy?

Kyo: "Our time"?

InuYasha: You're from the 21st century, right?"

Yuki: Right….

InuYasha: I'm from the 16th.

Kyo: You WHAT?

Miroku: (has given up on talking to Sango) He's from the 16th century, as am I and the rest of us except for you four and Kagome.

Kyo: Damn, that's messed up!

Miroku: Not really. I've never heard of a boy with orange hair.

InuYasha: Yeah…and I've never heard of a brat with grey hair.

Kyo: Well I've never heard of talking to people who live 500 years before I do!

Shigure: (sadly to himself) I've never heard a high school girl flirt with me…

Sango: I'VE NEVER HEARD ANY OF YOU SHUT UP!

…_and we thought Kyo had anger management problems._

Kyo: I DO NOT HAVE ANGER MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS!

_Sure you don't._

Shigure: (looks at Sango) Ooh! I like her! Is she a high school girl? She looks to be the right age! (walks over to Sango)

Sango: (looks up) Can I help you?

Shigure: Has anyone told you you're pretty?

Sango: (stiffly) I've heard it once or twice.

Shigure: Of course you have! It's very true. (Starts leaning closer to Sango) You know, I think we'll get along just fi-

_WHAPPPPP! Check it out! Shigure's first face handprint! Sango's staying violent today! I wonder if any other pervert is due for a beating…?_

_Heyheyhey! Remember Jakotsu? Let's see what he's doing!_

Jakotsu: Oh wow! You're _so_ pretty! Can I hug you?

Shippou: Um, I'm like ten or something. Can't you go flirt with InuYasha?

Jakotsu: (shrug) Tried it already. Didn't work. Come oooon! PLEASE? (puppy dog eyes)

Shippou: (sighs) Fine…

Jakotsu: YAY! (squeeeeeeze)

_Awwww! Ain't it great to be loved?_

Shippou: (gasping for air) Yeah, sure. Just don't shatter my spine.

Jakotsu: That's what I'm trying to do!

Shippou: Amaya, can you make something bad happen to Jakotsu?

_Shippou, that's not very nice! I'm ashamed of you, young man! Now you apologize to Jakotsu right now!_

Shippou: I'm sorry…(hugs back)

_They stay in the hug for a while, sharing the moment until Shippou lets go._

Shippou: Can you let me go, now?

Jakotsu: Not a chance.

_Okay, let's check in with Rin and Jakken._

Rin: Wow, what an odd place. How much longer do we have to stay here, Master Jakken?

Jakken: I don't know! Why are you asking me? Why don't you ask _him_? (points to Bob who is at the moment drinking some carbonated water)

_Carbonated water? Who drinks carbonated water in this day and age?_

Bob: (overhearing) _I _do! Now stop making fun of me!

_Never! Besides, you're not supposed to hear me when I'm narrating inside the glass case, you know._

Bob: (sticks his tongue out) Well I did, so THERE!

…_.retard._

_Let's check in on good ol' Fluffy-sama then, shall we? Oooh! He's being introduced to Tohru!_

Kagome: Sesshomaru-san, this is Tohru Honda-san.

Sesshomaru: Hnh.

Tohru: Hello Sesshomaru-san! It's so nice to meet you!

Sesshomaru: (grunts)

Tohru: Oh, not much of a talker, eh? That's okay! I can provide all the talking you need!

_Umm, Tohru? I don't think you want to try that._

Tohru: Why not? He seems friendly enough

Sesshomaru: (growls)

_You see…he's sort of violent and doesn't really like talking to people. Humans, in particular._

Tohru: (faces lights up) Ohhhh! I get it! HE'S A SOCIOPATHIC WHACK JOB!

_That pretty much covers it. But how can we tell for sure?_

Kagome: (pulls pamphlet out from her uniform) This can help! 'Are you a sociopathic whack job? Take this quiz to find out!' It's perfect! Let's see, question one: Do you have this odd hatred for society?

Sesshomaru: Don't talk to me.

Kagome:…Okay then, that's a yes. Question two: Are you racist?

Sesshomaru: Why should I answer, pathetic human?

Tohru: (reading over Kagome's shoulder) Mark that down as a yes. Question three: Do you like killing things?

_Tohru and Kagome look at the bodies of Bob's old buff guys that are strewn across the floor still. Oh geez, Bob! If you can hire buff guys you can hire a janitor! Clean the damn floor before they start to stink!_

Kagome: I'll mark that as a yes. Question four: Do stuff TNT into cake instead of candles and then give it to someone for their birthday?

_Both look sideways at Fluffy-sama._

Tohru: You never know….just mark yes, anyway.

Kagome: Okay. Question five: Do you love cuddly things?

Everyone in case: NO!

Tohru: And question six is: have you ever had a healing sword and resurrected a little girl with it and them dragged her everywhere with you even though you think humans are totally worthless and do you hate your half brother because he's half-human yet still stronger than you?

…_whoa. Describes Sesshy to a tease._

Kagome: That's a yes. Aaaaaand final question: Do you put fireworks in frogs?

Tohru: (shrugs) Well, it's not like we watch him every hour of the day.

Kagome: Oh, what the hell, why not? (ahem) 'If you said yes to three or more of these questions (the cuddly one doesn't count) then you are officially a sociopathic whack job. Congratulations! Please report to the nearest loony bin.'

Sesshomaru: Well I'm already IN the loony bin because of that damn Shrink person! SO I can't really help it, now CAN I?

InuYasha: Wow. Sesshomaru has emotion?

Miroku: Yeah, I've never seen it before either.

_None of us have. Except for Bob. Bob did. _

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Read and Review! If you flame, I will make Bob give YOU therapy. 


	9. Anger Management

Disclaimer: I'm too lazy to think up something funny. Why don't you look at some of my previous chapters?

Author's Notes: Oh my gosh, I am SO SORRY that this story had been on hiatus for, like EVER! Feel free to bombard me with cheese and write reminders on my forehead with permanent marker. Just let me live long enough to write more of this, okay?

* * *

_Bob is organizing his notes, looking like a moron._

Bob: Do you really need to insult me at every opportunity?

_Well, duh_

Bob: Well, just shut up and send me the next patient!

_Geez, you don't have to spaz. Enter Kagura_

Bob: Hello, what seems to be the problem?

Kagura: My boyfriend doesn't like spending time with me (pouts)

Bob: If he doesn't like spending time with you, then why's he your boyfriend?

Kagura: He has to be! I love him so much! When we were little, he promised to marry me.

_Kyo can be seen hammering his fists against the glass and yelling something inaudible._

Kagura: (notices Kyo) Oh! Kyo-kun! You're here too!

_Kagura hangs her head and looks like she's about to cry._

Bob: …

_In case you're wondering, Bob has a lovely "WTF?" face on right now._

Kagura: (whimpering) Kyo-kun, why….why…(jumps up and runs over to glass case, pounding it with her fists) WHY DID YOU RUN AWAY FROM ME????????

_Kagura, that won't work. That glass is unbreakable._

Kagura: I don't care! I want to get to Kyo-kun! (hits the glass that's right in front of Kyo's face) I missed you so much!!!

Bob: Umm, why don't you sit down again, please?

_Kagura doesn't reply, just glares at Bob really evilly._

Bob: I'll make sure you'll be able to talk to him really soon!

_Kagura runs right back to the chair and sits down, looking politely at Bob._

Bob: So…is there anything else?

Kagura: (thinks for a moment) Every time a guy hugs me I turn into a boar.

Bob:…..are you sure?

Kagura: You bet! See? (hugs Bob)

_In a puff of pink smoke, Kagura turns into a boar._

Bob: (sweat drops) Did that really happen?

_No duh, Bob_

Bob: (signals to buff guys) Well, you'd better see your boyfriend now.

Kagura: Really? Thanks! Oh, can you let me have my clothes? When I turn back, I'll be naked.

_Apparently Miroku heard this because he is now pressed up against the glass with his tongue hanging out. Aaaaaaaand Sango whacks him on the head with her Hiraikotsu. Sango 3, Pervs 0._

Bob: Um, sure. Whatever.

_The buff guys pick Kagura up and throw her and her clothes into the glass case._

Bob: Well that was just plain awkward. Next!

_Enter Hatsuharu_

Bob: Oooh! You look like a troubled teen! I love working with troubled teens! Let me guess, drug addiction?

Haru: Uhhh….

Bob: No, no….you have a dysfunctional family, that's it!

Haru: Well that's true, in a way, I guess…but not really.

Bob: Oh! Your Mom drinks and your Dad cheats, right?

Haru: (sweat drops) Are you for real?

Bob: Of course I am! I am the almighty SHRINK! (grins)

_Hey Bob, do us all a favour and give yourself some therapy!_

Haru: I'm not a troubled teen, you know

Bob: Ah, yes. Denial. That's common amongst troubled teens.

Haru: But I'm not-

Bob: (cutting him off) Of course you are! Now, the first step that you have to take is ways of calming yourself down. Simple ways to do this are (rattles off this super long and super boring list of things Haru should do to make his life better) And maybe you should take martial arts to make yourself stronger!

_Careful, Bob. You're pushing his buttons._

Bob: Don't worry, this is all part of tough love. It'll work out for the best.

_No, seriously. Stop. Haru might get pissed._

Bob: No doubt, but I'm confident it'll-

_Bob gets cut off as Haru hits him across the face._

Haru: God, you really piss me off!

_Nice going, Bob. You've awakened "Black Haru"._

Bob: I'm sure this is just him getting all his stress out.

Haru: Seriously, what's your problem? I say we fight right here, right now.

Bob: Well, there's really no need to take it so _personally_.

Haru: What are you, a coward? _Real_ mean fight! Cowards use crap like words!

Bob: There you go, get it all out.

_I'm not quite sure what happens next because I cover my eyes, knowing it can't be pretty. All I hear are screams of pain, shouted threats and a whole bunch of thuds. When I look again, I see Bob there, a bloody mess of Shrink. It appears Haru's switched back to "White Haru" though._

Haru: No offence, but weren't you supposed to help me with my problem?

Bob: (shakily) I tried, but you insisted on beating me up, and-

Haru: (cuts Bob off) I'm not a troubled teen. I came here because when I'm really provoked I have an anger problem, _as you already saw_. Well, that and the fact that when a girl hugs me, I turn into a cow.

Bob: (eyes widen) Oh. You're one of _them_. Well I think I know how I can help (slowly gets to feet)

Haru: How?

Bob: You're absolutely nuts.

_The buff guys come after Haru, and you know the drill. Haru puts up a bit of a fight, but gets shoved in there eventually._

Bob: Honestly, Amaya, are there no patients for me that aren't crazy?

_None of your patients are crazy, you just think they are._

Bob: What?

_Exactly.

* * *

_

Read and Review, if you please! Even if you don't please.


	10. Deutsch macht Spass!

Disclaimer: Are you as sick of hearing this as I am?

Author's Notes: Yay! I got my new chapter up sooner than last time! 3 If anything seems a little bit odd about it, please blame the beef rammen that I'm currently eating.

* * *

Bob: Amaya, do I have to remind you every time when to send in a new patient?

_Gasp, I'm insulted! Just for that, I'm not going to even bother with the next person._

Bob: What? No! The whole reason I came here was to tend to patients!

_You mean call everyone crazy and bar them in a glass case?_

Bob: Well, that too. But I had no idea everyone would be crazy, anyhow! Come on, send the next person in!!!

_Apologize first._

Bob: Why should I? It wasn't _that_ insulting.

_That's it, you're on your own, pal._

Bob: No, WAIT!!!!!!

_Bob runs up to the narrator box and wraps his arms around my waist._

Bob: I'm sorry. I'm really, _really _sorry! Please just send in the next patient!

…_say I'm incredible._

Bob: No!

_Suit yourself, I'm leaving._

Bob: (tightens his grip) Wait, no! (sighs) You're incredible.

_You didn't sound very sincere._

Bob: But I was! Honest!

_Then say it again._

Bob: Fine. You're _incredible_, Amaya, oh finest narrator on the planet next to whom I am but a worthless mortal.

_Getting better. All right, you can let go now._

Bob: Promise you won't leave?

_Promise._

Bob: Okay!

_Bob lets me go and runs all the way back down to his armchair and that weird futon thing that all Shrinks have._

_Enter Hatori_

Bob: Right then, sir. What seems to be the problem?

Hatori: (glances at the crazy people case) Why do you have half my family contained in a glass case labelled "Crazy People"?

Bob: (sweat drops) Ha-half your family? Are you related to all of those people?

Hatori: No. Just Yuki, Kyo, Shigure, Kagura and Haru. They're my cousins.

_Bob looks nervously at Hatori, at the glass case and back again._

Bob: Well, um…what's the matter? I guess.

Hatori: My fiancée and I loved each other for a really long time and she made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But then she found out about the Sohma family curse. Still, it didn't really matter to her, she still loved me. Of course Akito wasn't very happy about it, so he yelled at her and made her feel like total shit. Then Akito made me erase her memory to ease her pain, so we couldn't be engaged anymore and then she went off to marry some other guy and it sucks bad 'cause I still love her.

Bob: Wait, what?

Hatori: Do you want me to say it again?

Bob: No, that's fine. You can erase people's memories?

Hatori: Yeah. I'm a doctor.

_Bob's eyes widen and he stares at Hatori for a while._

Bob: You're a _doctor_?

Hatori: Well, yeah…

Bob: HOW ON EARTH CAN ANYONE WHO'S A DOCTOR BE AS CRAZY AS YOU????

Hatori: Excuse me? I have a perfectly reasonable problem! How dare you call me crazy? Just because I say something that you may not believe doesn't mean I'm crazy! Is all you take as evidence? What about how my brain's working? Wouldn't _that _contribute to anything? To determine if I'm crazy or not, you'd need to…(rattles off a long boring list of technical doctor stuff)

_While Hatori is totally pwning Bob, let's watch this short video about drug prevention. Akito and Naraku both run onto the screen._

Akito: Hey, Naraku, do you want some heroin?

Naraku: NO!

Akito and Naraku: SAY NO TO DRUGS, KIDS!!!!

_And now back to our regular program. Hatori's just about done, now._

Bob: (extremely looooooong pause) I still say you're crazy.

_And of course the buff guys come and all the lovely crap associated with them happens._

Bob: I'm so friggin' glad that's over.

_You hate it when you meet people smarter than you, eh?_

Bob: (glares) Shut up and send the next person in.

_Enter Momiji_

Bob: (eyes widen) You sent me a transvestite?

_Momiji is NOT a transvestite, you jerk! It's not a girl's uniform, just a girly uniform._

Momiji: Um….why is no one asking me about my problem?

Bob: Oh, sorry (ahem) What's on your mind?

Momiji: Well, actually not much. I'm just a half German, half Japanese, cursed _Junge_. Mainly, I hate the curse.

Bob: Junge?

_It's German for boy._

Bob: And you would know this how?

_I speak German. _

_I stick my tongue out at Bob._

_Bob glares back at me._

Bob: (turns back to Momiji) So you're cursed? Is that all? I'm running into a lot of cursed people…

Momiji: (thinks) Well, Kyo keeps beating me up for no good reason…

Bob: Ooh, you're getting abused?

Momiji: (shrugs) I suppose you could call it that…

Bob: Do you have any idea why he enjoys beating you to a bloody pulp?

Momiji: Well he never goes _that _far

Bob: Just answer the question!

Momiji: 'Cause I annoy the crap out of him, I guess

Bob: Ahh, that would cause quite a bit of anger, I see.

Momiji: (cocks head) Are you prone to anger Herr Shrink? Maybe you should go to a therapist about that…

Bob: (anime vein) I _AM _A THERAPIST YOU MORON! I DON'T NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Of course you don't, Bob. That's why you're screaming like a maniac…_

Bob: Shut up! This is none of your business!!!

_Actually, it is, seeing as I'm NARRATING IT!_

Bob: That doesn't mean you have to make smart-ass comments!

_Oh, but it does, it actually does. _

Bob: SAYS WHO????

_Says ME you idiot, I decide what goes on here, remember?_

Bob:….damn.

Momiji: Excuse me? Aren't you supposed to be helping me?

Bob: Oh, very well. I'm sure you turn into a cow or something when a girl hugs you, right?

Momiji: Well actually, a rabbit. Haru's the cow.

Bob: Either way you're still crazy. _Auf Wiedersehen!_

_The buff guys come and do what they do best._

_Hey, Bob, when did you learn to speak German?_

Bob: I looked at your unfinished homework

_Shh, no one knows about that…_

* * *

Read and Review! PLEASE????? (really cute anime chibi pleading eyes) 


	11. Enter: New Anime

Disclaimer: (Insert witty disclaimer here)

Author's Notes: Thought I forgot about this, didn't you? Nope! I was just too damn lazy! Don't worry, I'll get right on it. I'm running out of ideas for Fruits Basket, so we'll bring a new anime in!

* * *

Bob: You're sending me another group of freaks that all seem to have the _same problem_?

_No. All their problems are different. But trust me, there're a whole lot of them_

Bob: Just what are you planning…?

_You'll see._

_Enter…_

…

…

…

Bob: JUST SAY IT ALREADY!

_Tou-chy. Fine, fine._

_Enter Naruto from Naruto_

Bob: …(anime vein) You sent me a kid with WHISKERS????

_Umm …sort of?_

Naruto: Hey! My whiskers are MANLY!

Bob: Right….so what's up with you?

Naruto: When I was born, a demon got sealed inside my stomach. Yeah, you heard right, my STOMACH. I'm not joking! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!!

Bob: Like what?

Narutto (Anime vein) ….never mind. Anyway, both my parents are dead so I've lived as an outcast from my hometown all the while training to become a kick-ass ninja! The only person who ever respected me is like a freaking over-protective Mom to me. Then I made friends and enemies and if I'm not careful, I could release the demon inside of me and, you know, kill everyone. I'm also going to train really hard and show everyone up by becoming the Hokage. Believe it!

_I just smacked Naruto._

_Naruto, remember out little chat before you came in?_

Naruto:….(sighs) No more saying 'believe it'….

_That's right._

Bob:…

Naruto: Oh! And I have an obsession with rammen. Rammen, rammen, rammen!!!!!!!!

Bob:……

_Wow! Good job, Naruto! You've shocked Bob into speechlessness! No one's done that yet._

Bob:….you sent me a kid who acts EXACTLY LIKE YOU????

_I wouldn't say EXACTLY._

Bob: Pretty much.

_Hey, _I_ don't say 'believe it' all the time._

Bob: You like rambling on, though

_What do you mean?_

Bob: You always get into these huge discussions that have NOTHING to do with the patient.

_Whose fault is that, Mr. I-think-everyone-is-crazy-and-deserves-to-be-in-a-glass-case-for-the-rest-of-their-lives-so-there's-virtually-no-material-to-work-with?_

Bob:….I hate you

_And so you should. Now pay some attention to Naruto! The poor kid is neglected, as always._

Bob: So, have you seen another counsellor about this?

Naruto: Not really…

Bob: I suggest that you do (signals to buff guys)

_I wouldn't do that, Bob. Naruto has beat guys up who are like thirty years old. The buff guys are no match for him._

Bob: But there're eight of them!

_Poof!_

_Now there aren't_

Bob: You're pure evil

_Why, thank you!_

Naruto: So….any advice for me, Shrink?

Bob: Go into that glass case over there.

Naruto: Why?

Bob: Um... um….I'll give you rammen afterwards.

Naruto: Hot _dog_! (runs like mad into glass case, which closes behind him)

_That was mean, Bob! How dare you exploit a rammen addict's weaknesses?_

Bob: It's your fault. If you hadn't gotten rid of all my buff guys this wouldn't have happened!

_Actually, there are two left._

Bob: WHAT????????

_I cannot describe what came out of Shrink-san's mouth after that, as it would make young kids faint, older kids stare at each other with wide eyes and adults forbid their children from ever reading another one of my fics. And who wants THAT?_

_Are you done yet, Bob?_

Bob: (seething rage)

_I see. Well, enter Sasuke. Yes, that's right, the GAYLORD!_

Sasuke: Pardon me?

_Never mind…_

Bob: Okay, how screwed up is your life?

Sasuke: Incredibly. Mainly because of my brother.

Bob: Sibling rivalry?

_Like you wouldn't believe._

Sasuke: You see, when I was a kid, my brother went ahead and killed my whole family. So I grew up emo, never talking to anyone, but still kicking ass because I need to kill my brother. Then on a mission/test thing with my idiot team, some creepy guy who is most likely a pedophile bites me. He has a freaking long tongue. Anyway, now I have this weird bruise that is really a cursed seal that sort of takes over me when I get really riled up. It makes me incredibly kick ass though.

Bob: Okay….man, this group of kids is pretty messed up, eh?

_No kidding, Bob. Did it take you this long?_

Bob: Hey! It's only the second kid!

_But you didn't notice that NO ONE on this show has parents?_

Bob: It's only the second kid!!!!!!!

_That's no excuse! Two kids in a row is evidence enough for me!_

Bob: You're shallow

_You're stupid!_

Sasuke: um…I'm still here!

Bob: Right. Go into that glass case

Sasuke: Why?

Bob:…your brother is in there and is saying cruel things abut your hairstyle.

Sasuke: That bastard! I'll kill him!!!!!!!!!!! (runs into glass case)

_Well that was just LOVELY._

Bob: I thought so too!

_Sarcasm is a foreign language to you, isn't it?_

* * *

Read and Review!! 


	12. Behind the Glass pt 3

Disclaimer: The only type of anime I own is my InuYasha DVD…

Author's Notes: What is this? An update? GASP AND SWOON!!!! I am so so so sorry that I haven't updated since…May. My god, May??? I feel terrible! But at least I'm updating NOW, right?

* * *

_Aaaand we have another view inside our lovely glass case!_

Haru:…when is that stupid Shrink going to let us out?

Kyo: Your guess is as good as mine (shrugs)

Naruto: So what's there to do around here, anyway?

Yuki: Not much. They've started playing D and D.

_Yuki points to Tohru, Kagome, InuYasha, Jakotsu and Shigure, who are sitting in a circle._

Jakotsu: (Shippou's still tucked under his arm) Who else is in the tavern?

Shigure: (Apparently DM) A soldier, two passed out drunks, a lady half-elf and a sorcerer

Jakotsu: Is the half-elf the only lady?

Shigure: Yup

Jakotsu: Okay, I walk over to the soldier and say "My, you look strong."

InuYasha: What the hell's the point of saying that to him? Ass-kissing doesn't work on soldiers! We won't get information that way!

Jakotsu: I know, I just want to get into his pants

InuYasha: Wtf? You sick pervert! Is that even possible?

Jakotsu: Well, it is if you both lay down on-

Shippou: WHOA! A MINOR IS LISTENING!!!

Jakotsu: Do you mind this talk?

Shippou: Yes! This is rated T! THAT IS NOT T CONTENT!

Tohru: He's right, you know. We'll probably have to up the rating just because of that inappropriate implication!

Jakotsu: Why would you care? You're the lucky wench who's shacking up with three guys!

_Ooh, Jakotsu, you just committed suicide._

Tohru: GODDAMMIT, I AM NOT SHACKING UP!

(M rated swearing ensues)

_Everyone else in the case grows silent and stares at Tohru while she rants and swears. She compares Jakotsu to animals, toxins, chemicals, parts of his body and parts of other people's bodies. She screams the longest string of swears I've ever heard in my life without repeating one single thing. About three minutes pass before she finally shuts up._

Yuki: Whoa…

Kyo: Holy crap…

InuYasha: Why does she care about the rating, again?

Haru: Wow, it's like "Black Tohru"

Kagome: Isn't that racist?

Haru: No! I mean black as in dark.

Sasuke: That still sounds racist.

Haru: (smacks forehead) NO! I mean as in _evil_!

Naruto: Are you calling black people evil? You ass! (chases Haru around with a Rasengan forming in his hand)

Haru: (as he's running) I can't win…

Shigure: (clears throat) So are we going to get back to the campaign?

InuYasha: (rolls eyes) We all get slamming drunk. The end.

Kagome: Well that was a crappy campaign.

Jakotsu: It was going to suck, anyways. We have no dice.

Shigure: We didn't _need _dice. I could've just told you if you made it or not.

Tohru: That doesn't sound very fair to me

Shigure: Well of _course _it's not, but what are we supposed to do?

Kagome: We could've flipped a coin…

InuYasha: Yeah, totally. Do you _have _a coin?

Kagome: Well no, but Miroku-sama normally does…

Sango: (Overhearing) Are you kidding? That pevert monk spent all his money on sake and hookers.

Miroku: I did not! I WAS ROBBED!!

Sango: Right, and that hickey on your neck isn't really there. It's just my _imagination_.

Miroku: Of course!

Sango: What about the noises coming from your bedroom last night?

Miroku: Don't be jealous. Nothing happened, I swear. It's just your imagination. I mean, you imagine I have sex with every girl I meet, right?

Sango: Let me tell you something, Baka-kun…I DON'T IMAGINE IN THAT MUCH DETAIL!!!

_I cannot tell you the words either of them said next an account of them shouting at once and me not being able to understand. I _can _tell you that Sango grabbed Jakken and threw him at Miroku, hitting the monk square in the face._

Momiji: Are they always like that?

Kagome: (sigh) Pretty much…

InuYasha: Except for when they're exchanging saliva with each other

Kagome: (astonished) You saw them kiss without me?

InuYasha: Kiss? I was talking about that time when they were so mad at each other that spit was flying out of their mouths. Why'd you think I meant kiss?

Kagome:…you're so dense

Hatori: You have somewhat of a social handicap, don't you?

InuYasha: ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF MY EARS, ASSHOLE?

Hatori: No! No! That's not what I meant!

InuYasha: Oh. Well, then I'm happy.

Kyo: (to Sasuke) So are you some kind of emo kid? You've barely said anything.

Sasuke: Of course I'm not emo. If I were emo, there'd be cuts all over my wrists. As you can see, there _aren't_.

Kyo:…those white things are covering your wrists, genius.

Sasuke: Oh, well…umm…it's just a fashion statement.

Kyo: You like fashion? You pansy…

Sasuke: What? I'm not a pansy!

Naruto: (has given up on chasing Haru, who is freaking fast) Buddy, your hair looks like a misshapen parrot. How are you _not _a pansy?

Sasuke: Shut up, spiky head.

_I love how everyone gets along so well - -;

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_

Read and Review, please! Help me to keep this going!


	13. Love and YOUTH

Disclaimer: The ownage…it's GONE

Author's Notes: Hey! It hasn't been six months since I last updated! What gives?

WOO! Lucky thirteen!

Bob: Amaya, are we nearly done?

_Are you kidding? This anime is chock-full of kids with messed up pasts!_

Bob:…

_Yep, we'll be here a loooooong time. That glass case of yours might get over full._

Bob: (twitch)

_Say, are you feeling all right? That's a nasty spasm you've developed!_

Bob: JUST SEND IN THE NEXT GODDAMNED PATIENT, YOU DUNCE!

_Whoa, whoa, tou-chy._

Bob: Shut up.

_Fine, fine. _

_Enter Sakura_

Bob: Why, hello, there. Um…nice hair…

Sakura: Really? Thanks! I was so worried about cutting it, but I kind of _had _to considering my life was pretty much on the line and all that and it sort of symbolizes how courageous I am and…yeah

Bob: You don't seem to have any problems…

Sakura: Are you kidding? I've got _huge _problems! I'm deeply, _madly _in love with Sasuke, but the jerk never notices me! I frickin' saved his life once and all I got for _that _was a 'you're annoying'. Yeah, thatmade me feel just _great_! So the only hope I have left is with Naruto, who's a total moron so I think I shall grow old and die alone. So yeah, what can I do about it?

Bob:…

_Bob, you HAVE to speak. You are the Shrink, after all. Come on, open that mouth!_

Bob: So…you don't have a tragic, emo past?

Sakura: Weeeeellll….

Bob: Oh crap

Sakura: My best friend and I got into a fight over Sasuke and now we hate each other's guts and fight each other at every opportunity and that kinda sucks 'cause I sort of want to still be her friend, but not really 'cause she loves Sasuke too, and she makes fun of my big forehead!

Bob: You're a drama queen, you know that?

Sakura: (shrug) I've been told once or twice.

Bob: Well, you don't seem all _that _crazy to me…except for that you're a freaking twelve-year-old who's rambling on and on about _love_.

_Bob signals to the two remaining buff guys._

_Umm, Bob? Although she's a drama queen and whiny and cries easily and stuff, Sakura can still kick some serious butt. Not that she _shows_ it until the Shippuden episodes, but it's still there!_

Bob: Shippuden?

_Never mind._

_As predicted by ME, Sakura owns the buff guys and leaves them lying on the floor unconscious._

Sakura: So are you going to help me, or just send more brawny idiots after me?

Bob: Haven't you figured out the system by now?

Sakura:…

Bob: (sighs) Never mind.

_Suddenly, Bob gets an idea._

Bob: Say, would you mind going into that glass case over there?

Sakura: (looks) The one labelled 'Crazy People'?

Bob: Yeah, that's it.

Sakura: Uh, no.

Bob: But that emo kid that you're in love with is in it!

Sakura: Sasuke? Really?

Bob: Yeah. Just _go_!

_Sakura runs into the glass case, after which Bob shuts the door. He sighs, muttering something about how he should've gotten a bigger glass case._

Bob: I don't even know why I'm saying this, but send in the next patient, would you?

_All right, but I'm not likin' the attitude you're developing here, mister._

_Enter Lee._

Bob: Who is this, some kind of gymnast slash Chippendale dancer?

_No, this is a splendid ninja! _

Bob:…Well then, Mr. Splendid Ninja, tell me what your problem is.

Lee: I'm not really accepted among my peers (even though I have the power of YOUTH) because I can only do taijutsu. I really, _really _want to beat one of my friends (who's an awesome genius type). I can't get Sakura to love me, which makes me very sad. I also can't hold my liquor.

Bob: (sighing) Anything else?

Lee: (anime vein) EVEN THOUGH I'M THE MOST PHYSICALLY MASCULINE CHARACTER IN THIS DAMN ANIME, EVERYONE SEEMS TO THINK I'M GAY!!!

Bob: You poor child. What the hell is taijutsu?

Lee: Hand-to-hand…freaking awesome speed…physical strength…pwning with sticks. That sort of thing.

Bob: I see…

Lee: Oh! And drunken boxing!

Bob: Drunken boxing?

Lee: Yup! Give me some sake, and I'll own _anyone_!

Bob: What, do you have a drinking problem, too?

Lee: No. I only drink sake when I think it's medicine.

Bob: You have a serious problem

Lee: Oh? I thought that if I worked hard, I could accomplish _anything_!

Bob: Well, you won't be able to get out of crazy land, so I'll just have to do something about that.

_Bob, listen to me. DO NOT USE THE BUFF GUYS! Lee has stood up to a guy who uses his own bones for weapons and survived WHILE HE WAS INJURED. So don't even bother, okay?_

Bob: Awww, can't I just try?

_Your funeral._

_Bob signals to his buff guys (who have miraculously awoken from their last KO)_

_And, of course, Lee pwns their sorry asses._

Bob: Yeah, why couldn't I see that coming…?

_BECAUSE YOU'RE A MORON_

Bob: So, Lee, do you feel like doing an exercise?

Lee: Sure, I guess

Bob: Give me two hundred laps of the inside of that glass case.

Lee: Hai!

_Lee runs around in the glass case and Bob bolts him in._

_You're so mean, Bob._

Bob: No I'm not, I'm just resourceful.

_Whatever…_

Read and Review, please!


	14. Hyuga Hell

Disclaimer: I can't believe I don't own them…

Author's Notes: Hey, am I still writing this? I just read through my reviews and want to take a few seconds to thank _everyone _for bearing with me despite my general lack of motivation and the huge, month-long gaps that occur between updates. You guys rock!

* * *

Bob: So who's next? Some psycho who has obsessions with little boys?

_No, we couldn't get Orochimaru to agree to come in_

Bob:…what?

_Nevermind._

_Enter Neji_

Bob: Oh…um…hello, there

Neji: Hi

Bob: Just curious…that thing on your head…is that your _hair_?

Neji: No…it's a hat…type…thing

_A-majigger_

Neji: Yeah. What she said.

Bob: Okay, then…what seems to be the problem?

Neji: You see, there are different houses in my family.

Bob:…are you saying there are _branches _in your _family tree_? (laugh)

_Okay, that was just lame._

Bob: Oh, shut up. You can't understand my sophisticated sense of humour

_Obviously not…_

Neji: (clears throat) _Anyway_…I'm from the lesser branch, and it's my job to protect to main branch.

Bob: Don't you mean the _trunk_? (wink)

_Stop with the tree jokes…_

Neji: No…I mean the main branch. All of us have this super-awesome radar, 360 degree vision thing that makes our eyes all blank and starey. It's pretty sweet, and I can use it to help my team and stuff, but it kind of unnerves everyone.

Bob: So _that's _why your eyes creep me out

Neji: Yeah, basically. So, at age three, back when I was still a cute, innocent little child, they carved a symbol into my forehead to make me love and protect the main household. Don't know why they thought _that _would work, but whatever… My Dad was twins with the guy who led the main household. I don't know why they _both _just couldn't be in the same household, but whatever. I try not to think about obvious plot holes like that. So when an enemy clan wanted my uncle's dead body for a reason I can't remember, they sent Dad's instead. This traumatic experience left me bitter and cold for pretty much the rest of my life.

Bob: But… you're fourteen or something, aren't you?

Neji: Yeah, so? It's my _destiny _to be bitter.

Bob: That's one crappy destiny, kid.

Neji: I know, but there's no possible way in all of hell that I can change it. Not one way. Nope. Nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch.

Bob: I guess not then

Neji: _Unless_, in some convenient turn of events, a random hyperactive twelve-year-old convinces me otherwise and I learn from my uncle that my Dad actually volunteered to take his place so it was really some big misunderstanding that screwed me up permanently but actually wasn't anyone's fault and my Dad is a big hero and I was implored by my uncle (as my Dad's brother, mind you) to forgive him and put it all behind me so I don't become and jerk. (deep breath) But what are the chances of _that _happening?

Bob:…look, did you actually come here for help, or do you just like hearing yourself talk?

Neji: (shrugs) Meh…bit of both.

Bob: All right, well you're incredibly fickle, you know that? Also…insane.

Neji: Wait, what?

_Bob, don't even bother with the buff guys for ANYONE in this anime. They're ALL ninjas._

Bob: How would I know unless I try?

_Don't say I didn't try to warn you…_

_And of course, Neji kicks all the buff guys' buff asses._

Bob: Damn! Say, kid…

Neji: Yes?

Bob: There just so happens to be a hyperactive twelve-year-old in that glass case right now, if you're interested.

Neji: Really? Sweet!

_Neji runs into the case and Bob locks it behind him._

Bob: Glad _that's _over.

_Hold on, Bob, you're not out of Hyuga hell just yet._

Bob: I what?

_Enter Hinata_

Bob: Oh. You've got the same eyes as that other guy…

Hinata: Neji? Neji was here? Oh…

Bob: Why, do you have some sort of tortured relationship with him? Is he your brother?

Hinata: No, he's my cousin…I'm from the main household, even though I originally wasn't that good a ninja. I try hard, I really do! I train to be strong and not to be scared! I can kick ass when I really want to.

Bob: So are you here about confidence issues?

Hinata: Not exactly…See, I really, _really _(blush) like Naruto-kun. But he never notices me!

Bob: Well, you _are_ an awfully quiet kid…

Hinata: Is that it? Should I be louder? I don't know, I don't really like being loud. I mean sure, I _could _be loud if I want to, but it doesn't really fit my personality, you know?

Bob: Um…well…then…

_That's it, Bob. Keep stuttering. It makes you sound SO professional_

Bob: You shut your trap. As for you…(turns to Hinata) Are you sure you didn't lose your parents or anything? You sound deceptively normal…

Hinata: (shrug) I'm not featured that much. And when I am, I'm normally stalking Naruto-kun, being really shy or fighting my cousin…

Bob: Wait a minute, you stalk your crush?

Hinata: Yeah…don't you?

Bob: (gape) Well I've got good news and bad news

Hinata: What's that?

Bob: The good news is that that crush of yours happens to be in that glass case over there.

Hinata: (Already halfway to the glass case) And the bad news?

Bob: You're crazy.

Hinata: Ohh…

_Hinata goes inside and Bob locks it._

Bob: These kids are all just either lovesick or emo…

_No shit, Sherlock_Read and Review!

* * *


	15. Fixations

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything…

Author's Notes: What's this? Two in one day? Has she gone _mad_? Nope, I'm just inspired

* * *

Bob: Uggh…how many more people have issues in this show?

_Trust me. You don't want to know._

Bob: I don't? I'm pretty sure I want to.

_No. You DON'T. End of discussion._

Bob: Fine. (Massages his temples) Just send in the next kid.

_Enter Gaara_

Bob: Oh my…_what _is that thing on your back?

Gaara: (glare)

Bob: Or…we could _not _talk about that (sweat drop)

Gaara: (shrug)

Bob: Right then…what seems to be your issue?

Gaara: I'm a social reject

Bob: Ooh, harsh.

Gaara: I _wasn't _finished! Didn't your mother ever teach you not to interrupt people?

Bob: Um…no?

Gaara: Hmph. Anyway, my Mom's dead, my uncle wants to kill me (Though half the time I'm pretty sure I have an aunt), my sister thinks I'm evil, my brother's scared of me, my whole village took advantage of me and sealed a super ugly demon inside of me and…yeah.

Bob: Wow…that's quite the problem

Gaara: Yeah. _Plus_...

Bob: Oh no

Gaara: I can't get hurt because whenever something sharp or pointy comes close to my skin, the sand from my gourd makes a shield. So I have no idea what pain is, except for emotional pain which rips me to shreds and makes me cry myself to sleep every night…

_Aww! Don't you just want to HUG him?_

Bob: Um, no.

Gaara: Anyway, I have this sort of lust for blood because I've become really cruel and want to see the people who made me what I am suffer a painful and gruelling death. I'll probably implode their insides with sand.

Bob: (sweat drop)

_Okay, I take back what I said about the hug…_

Gaara: Yeah…that's the general reaction I get from everyone…

Bob: Yeah, you're _definitely _crazy. Murderous, too.

Gaara: What kind of a Shrink are you? I already _knew_ that.

Bob: Then why'd you come here? Get into that glass case, would you?

Gaara: How about I _don't_? (gives Bob a really creepy glare)

Bob: (sweat drop) Or you could walk out of here completely of your own free will, it's really up to you…

Gaara: I think I will

_Exit Gaara, stage left_

Bob: We have a stage left?

_Meh, we do now…_

Bob: Where did you _find _that creepy kid?

_The Village Hidden in the Sand. Why?_

Bob: Oh, no reason...

_Bob writes "Avoid Village Hidden in the Sand at all costs due to disturbing, homicidal child."_

_Well THAT'S polite._

Bob: Do _you _want to get your insides imploded with sand?

…_touché_

Bob: (sighs) Okay then, who's next?

_Enter Kakashi_

…_ahem…_

_ENTER KAKASHI_

…_damn_

Bob: Where is he?

_Ugh, he's always late!_

Bob: Is that what he wanted therapy for?

_Somehow, I doubt it…_

_Ah! There he is!_

_Enter Kakashi_

Kakashi: Please excuse my tardiness. I got lost on the path know as life, today.

Bob: …Is he serious?

_Yup_

Bob: Wow…

Kakashi: You're supposed to be helping me, yes?

Bob: Oh, right (ahem) Sorry. What's troubling you?

Kakashi: I have two problems. Would you prefer a long angsty past or a fixation with porn?

Bob:…

_Wow…that's quite the choice, eh Bob?_

Bob: Um…I believe I'll opt for the angsty past..

Kakashi: Aww, are you sure? You're not even _slightly _interested in Icha Icha Paradise?

Bob: Yeah, no…

Kakashi: (puts the book away) Aww…

Bob: (ahem) So…about this angsty past of yours…

Kakashi: Ah, yes. You see, I used to be a really stodgy kid. I was a really good ninja, and kind of cold. I had this friend who was always late, and pretty easygoing, but I'm sure he resented me. Anyway, his family is _supposed _to be awesome and kick-ass, but he wasn't. Yeah, so my left eye was totally mangled in battle, and he pretty much saved my life by sacrificing his own. I know, touching, eh? Anyway, we had our medical ninja extract his Sharingan power and put it into my mangled eye. Not only could I see again, I had some awesome powers. The Sharingan made me more easygoing and got me into the habit of being late, but I can't help but angst at random points in time.

Bob: Oh…um…did it also give you an obsession with porn?

Kakashi: No, I thought up that on my own (grin).

Bob: I see…Well I believe that you're a little off your rocker

Kakashi: Yeah, I've heard that once or twice.

_It's true. He knows it._

Bob: Oh. Then I suppose you wouldn't mind going into that glass case over there?

Kakashi: Can I read my book?

Bob: Of course.

Kakashi: Then sure!

_Kakashi goes into the glass case and Bob locks it._

_Bob, you didn't have to lock him up. He's not THAT crazy._

Bob: Hey, anyone who's not your everyday guy and _can't _implode my insides goes into the case.

_You suck._

Bob: So I've heard. Are you done complaining?

_No. Not at all. _

Bob: Oh, wonderful.

_Well you know what? YOU smell like feet!_

Bob: I what? (sniffs) No I don't!

_Well…your feet do…_

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Read and Review!


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